justimprobable | IC Inbox

I spoke to him about it being Crane. And then you came up... then we made plans for New Year's Eve.

So, if you find confetti still all over the place... sorry. That was me. I got as much of it as I could, though.

Don't worry about the confetti, it'll come up.

[She barely even registers the part about New Years. She's just worried about the Doctor.]

... What did he say to you? About me, I mean.

It was more what he didn't say. He just mentioned you'd gone up to stay with someone for the summer holidays, but... I dunno. Something in his tone. He sounded like he was upset, but he obviously didn't want to talk about it.

[Clara takes a long pause, gathering her thoughts.]

... Something happened at home, and I've... changed, a bit. It's not bad, you don't need to worry. But I didn't want to tell him, at first, and he knew something was wrong. That's all.

Do you wanna talk about it? [Because Clara's been there for Max, and Max wants to do the same.]

Okay. I didn't really talk to him about it, but I could tell he was worried during New Year's.

I'm alright, truly. [Her voice is too tense, clipped at the edges.] I've discussed it with him, and we've sorted things out. He shouldn't be worrying like that.

[She can tell Clara isn't alright, but judging by that tone, Max probably shouldn't push it for now.]

Well, maybe he stopped worrying after you spoke with him.

... Well, we spoke before New Years.

[But she doesn't want Max to worry, about her or the Doctor. So she tries to just brush it off.]

But he's a worrier, always has been. It's nothing you need to get concerned about.

He seems like the kind of guy who doesn't like to worry. And it's also too late to stop me from worrying. Just so you know.

{See sees what you're doing there, Clara.]

[Well. She's sure fucked this up. So much for Max not getting concerned.]

... I'm not able to be with him anymore. He doesn't know it yet, but our time here is the last time we have together, and I don't want to ruin it by telling him. So please, don't worry. Just be his friend, that's all you can do for me.

Holy shit. What happened?

[Something terrible, that's for sure.]

I will. But I wanna be yours, too, okay?

He lost me, the same way people lose each other every day, all around the world. Sometimes it doesn't take great wars and dying stars to take people away from you. It happens in a heartbeat, almost a bit boring.

[Her voice is gentle, if a bit sad. She doesn't want to tell Max what the Doctor did to get her back. She doesn't want to tell her that it's the Doctor's fault she's living this uncanny, abnormal life. So for now, she'll leave that part out.]

And you're already my friend, Max. You don't have to worry about that.

I know how that goes. But losing someone... it's never boring. Even if it seems like it's going to be, it's not. It always hurts.

[She still remembers Kate jumping off the roof. She still remembers all the times Chloe died.]

Thanks, Clara. You, too.

It does.

[She nods slowly to herself, even though Max can't see her. It's still her biggest regret that she couldn't have left without causing the Doctor any pain. It's always going to hurt, no matter the manner.]

And I wish you didn't know that pain. I know it's awful.

I wish you didn't, either. And I wish the Doctor didn't.

[She wishes no one had to feel that way.]

I wish no one did. But we wouldn't be human if that were the case.

I guess you're right. But maybe there's a world out there where things don't have to be that way.

I don't know, Max. Not one I've seen. But then, I'm not done exploring.

I wish I could explore, too! I wonder what seeing another planet would be like. I mean, I guess I'm technically seeing one now, but...

Oh, it's marvelous. Very first trip, the Doctor took me to a place called Akhaten, where rings of asteroids circle a parasitic sun.

That sounds awesome.

[... Wait.]

Parasitic?

He fed on souls and stories, and the people had been singing for thousands of years, just to keep him asleep. They worshipped him, called him their Old God, but they were afraid.

So I fed him a leaf.

A leaf? What was so special about it?

[Because honestly, there had to have been something.]

It was full of stories.

[Because of course she's cryptic, it's part of being a little too much like the Doctor.]

Full of past and present and future, things that happened and things that could have happened and things that never will happen now. Infinite possibilities and impossibilities, so many that even Akhaten couldn't digest them.

So... you fed an ancient god a leaf, and then he... what, exploded?

[Max knows how much what could have been hurts. She can see why it would have the potential to kill.]

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